I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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