I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
