I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
