Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
