You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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