I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
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