You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
