Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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