Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
