I can text with my tongue
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Randomize
