Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Drunk is a universal language darling
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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