Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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