It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
