help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
My bed smells like the plague
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
