if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
The cops high fived after they tackled you
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
