The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
