I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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