I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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