FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
