All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
thus making me awesome and them whores
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
