Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
