How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
