My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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