bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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