I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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