That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
