saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
