it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
