Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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