Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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