drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
