No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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