I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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