garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
