Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
