Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
