She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Boobs speak an international language.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
i think im in europe. pls send help
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
