4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
