Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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