I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize