Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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