3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
You are a genius and a whore.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
