Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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