i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
When did angry sex become our thing?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
