The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
