nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
