Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
