Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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