No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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