OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
